Spectacular vernacular

I'm sure you know that 'vernacular' is the noun used to describe the standard native language of a place, locality or even a profession. What you probably don't know is how spectacular the vernacular is at the top of the country. Yorkshire in particular is frequently the subject of comedy around our 'ey oops', 'ahl see thees' and 'nowts' -- we've even got a song that celebrates the delicacies of the dialect (and to answer an oft-posed question from my friends at the bottom of the country ... no, 'Ilkley Moor ba tat' does not refer to a field of potatoes).

You may wonder why it has taken me 6 months to start this blog proper? The answer -- I've been immersing myself back in all things Northern and in particular the language. Frankly (and we use that term a lot around here) it has taken some getting used too and I can certainly detect a word-slurring and flattening of the vowels already. I'm almost re-acclimatised.

So the time has come to list my top spectacular vernaculars thus far and explain why they make me chuckle every time I hear them. As a woman-of-words and avid collector of motivational (some might say cheesy) quotes I thought I'd try to align them with some more classical words-of-wisdom. See what you think:

1. "Oh don't bother about him -- he's a comfort!"

Comfort?

As in -- 'come for the day'; a highly-dismissive term (especially pertinent in a seaside town) for the seasonal peoples who like to journey to the coast, park badly, litter up the area with discarded fish-and-chip wrappers from their annual beach perambulation and tell the locals how they could do things better. The phrase was explained to me to calm my consternation after said 'comfort' chided me while I was walking my dog on the beach. Not an insult so much as a term-of-ignoring the ignorant.

'NiceUpNorth' equivalent of -- "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent". (Eleanor Roosevelt.)

2. "I shit the bed!"

Bad curry?

As in -- 'in a state of anxiety about an impending situation, I got out of bed really early' ... because (as the builder on a deadline for me and seeking his on-time bonus explained so eloquently) if you actually do defecate on the duvet, well, there's no way you'll lie in it a second longer will you? As a writer frequently facing deadlines, I do wonder what my Managing Editor would make of me using that one to bag an extension? Watch this space.

'NiceUpNorth' equivalent of -- "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they fly by." (Douglas Adams.)

3. "Well, as far as I've heard he's a gunner..."

Gunner?

As in -- gonna do this, gonna do that. actually does nothing. I was told this about someone who beat me to a role I wanted by just two votes (!). Not sure it actually helped me get over being a sore-loser to learn that the Victor would do little with the authority he was granted.

'NiceUpNorth' equivalent of -- "All mouth and no trousers". Actually, I don't know who said that. But you know what I mean.

Next time -- the terms-of-endearment.

Inspired by idiotic comments

Let's get a couple of things out of the way shall we?

I am Northern.

I am a Council-House, Yorkshire-Lass, Grandaughter-of-a-Miner made (quite) good.

Really I should be walking my whippet right now, while foisting a ferret down a hole as the pigeons coo behind me and I eat my 'tea' of fried mars bar while saying things like "tha's summat nice ba tat". Obviously I am impoverished, uncouth, dishevelled, parsimonious and intellectually retarded.

At least that's the regional-ist rubbish regularly chucked at Notherners -- nay at Yorkshire Northerners. Certainly the frequency of such nonsense has increased towards me since I chose to return to living life Up North.

Yes, you did read that correctly. I chose to return.

Because -- and here's the point of this blog -- Life in a Northern Town is really rather nice. Not grim. Not chavvy. Not stuck in the days of Bronte's Wuthering about.

So I'd like to tell you what is so Nice up North -- or at least what makes me smile. I hope it will make you smile too.

Watch this space -- Northern-ness is coming your way.